Its a Saturday night, and im quite worn from the past weeks work schedule. I still have more work to do tomorrow, and thats all I can dread. In 2 weeks my junior year of college will be upon me, and as every year I have felt the same feelings of being afraid of the events to come.
I don't know if things are getting harder, or I'm getting less open to the idea of knowledge. Every semester has ended up alright, but what about the next, and the one after that. It all feels as if the next month could be the end of what I wish to become.
..What I wish to become, even that term is foriegn to me, I know what I like, I know what I'm good at, but how do I know what to be. I believe every one has one good purpose, and if they arn't doing what they were destined to do then its a waste of true potential. I know I like to do things, and I know I am good at things, but somthing is still missing. A piece of the puzzel is not only not in place, but hasn't been found in the box yet. Its that part of me that slowly eats away at my thoughts. What is missing? It haunts like a spectre from kind of distant nightmare. Never close enough to truely harm me, but also never close enough for me to identify.
So I go through these next few weeks with my thoughts churning in my mind like some sort of metaphysical washing machine, where my thoughts are all mixed togeather, confusing me in the process. I can only hope for the same thing I always do, for me to know what is missing in my life. If i know what it is, I will quest my hardest for it, even if it destroys me...because it is that piece of the puzzle that will give the rest purpose.